Dancing in the matrix
Almost 30 year time jump!
The first pic I was in my twenties on a photo shoot for Town and Country Magazine with my mom, a lifelong model, Dayle Haddon and was very uncomfortable in my skin until I put on this turn-of-the-century outfit.
Photoshoots with mom were an out-of-body experience and we did many mother-daughter features at that time. Because of her I worked with some of the greats in the industry. But I was often crying on set, had an internal dialogue of self-doubt, and it wasn’t a great experience. But I loved this Victorian look and it was the first time I “felt” the clothes and could embody them in some way. I’m guessing it was a remembering of an impactful past life from that era!
And the second pic above is at a Dior show just a month ago, where I felt so completely myself on the press line. Knowing my full worth and value, and just enjoying being out in the World and having fun dressing up in Dior for the night.
I’ve done a lot of media these last years speaking about inner wellbeing and when you’re sitting in your truth, stepping out and sharing Light, there is no room for those little voices that try to detract. Any negativity around facing forward has disappeared. I am aligned inside and out.
Watch the full NBC clip here
Watch the Fox Carolina segment here
Growing with God and Source at the helm of your life has made all things possible over this long span of time. This change. This evolution.
I am grateful I have a visual example of how Sprit has changed me so completely.
About 20 years ago, I had to learn to speak in large groups and tell my story of recovery, or what was true for me in order to grow forward - and save my life (dramatic, but true). I would shake, listen to others, and prepare what I’d say in my head many times over, and then when called on, I’d blurt it all out, sometimes nonsensically. But I got better at it over the years. More comfortable speaking what was in my heart and miraculously, I worried less what others thought. It gave me permission to be where I was and others related. I grew tremendously as person and quite liked the changes, alongside the impact I made on others sharing what I was learning and integrating. I saw their lives improve.
That is what I built on for many years. Service. Sharing truth. Learning about myself, healing and then offering that to another. It feels purposeful and directed.
Going to events where I was seen or photographed, because I lived in LA and that’s sometimes part of that World, I felt more grounded, secure in my own magic and stopped feeling eyes on me, but found myself looking out enjoying the play of consciousness. Asking God to shine through me.
It was alchemy. Playful. I trusted dancing in the matrix. Anchoring into my own codes.
What a great aspect of this journeying.
“Enjoying the play of consciousness”! I love that Ryan. I appreciate these sentiments very much.
Hi! 😊 Don't know if you might be interested but I love to write about sustainability (fashion, travel and our relationship with clothes). I'm a thrift shopping and vintage clothing lover who likes to explore the impact textile industry and consumistic culture have on the environment and also what people can do to shift the tendency.
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https://from2tothrift.substack.com/